Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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