1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
