I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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