i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
