four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
