I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
