i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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