i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize