all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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