Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
