His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
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