I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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