no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
is it fun? or sober?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
