Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
