i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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