I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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