Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
