checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
