I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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