he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
