you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
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On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
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When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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