apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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