Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
