btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
