Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
