well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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