i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
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you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
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If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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