Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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