He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
