I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Sober January is a disaster.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
