They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He told me they were just razor bumps!
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
