There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
