We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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