Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
