One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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