wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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