I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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