He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
