I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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