Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize