My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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