One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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