I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
