friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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