Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
