I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
