Only a mothe r could love this liver
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
