It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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