apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
