You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.