You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night