i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
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I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
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the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.