do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
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15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.