Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?