Texts From Last Night

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  (785): View more from Kansas

  If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up

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  (785): If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up http://tfl.nu/fktn
  Replies (9) Good night (884) Bad night (2727) Order T-Shirt
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.

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  (614): Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls. (1-614): Which beats the fuck out of good intentions. http://tfl.nu/vjhv
  Replies (30) Good night (5830) Bad night (684) Order T-Shirt
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner

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  (614): I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner http://tfl.nu/04vf
  Replies (15) Good night (3585) Bad night (1359) Order T-Shirt
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.

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  (403): Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl. http://tfl.nu/u7lt
  Replies (22) Good night (4284) Bad night (1335) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.

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  (330): I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter. http://tfl.nu/h1kf
  Replies (6) Good night (823) Bad night (2322) Order T-Shirt
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis

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  (720): I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis http://tfl.nu/ymdq
  Replies (22) Good night (5585) Bad night (784)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg

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  (509): I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg http://tfl.nu/tr8k
  Replies (6) Good night (2151) Bad night (704) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.

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  (703): When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship. http://tfl.nu/12c3
  Replies (6) Good night (2862) Bad night (591) Order T-Shirt
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.

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  (201): Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain. http://tfl.nu/l4y5
  Replies (11) Good night (2549) Bad night (1311) Order T-Shirt
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.

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  (403): They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again. http://tfl.nu/2yc4
  Replies (5) Good night (483) Bad night (1158) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.

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  (732): I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that. http://tfl.nu/uw0f
  Replies (1) Good night (1282) Bad night (410)
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  (845): View more from New York

  My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.

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  (845): My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine. http://tfl.nu/uhg6
  Replies (5) Good night (1108) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
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  (951): View more from California

  Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.

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  (951): Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day. http://tfl.nu/6blw
  Replies (4) Good night (456) Bad night (600) Order T-Shirt
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.

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  (240): He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at. http://tfl.nu/i197
  Replies (5) Good night (550) Bad night (243) Order T-Shirt
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  (956): View more from Texas

  I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.

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  (956): I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied. http://tfl.nu/aspz
  Replies (2) Good night (386) Bad night (236) Order T-Shirt

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