OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
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I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
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We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.