I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
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I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
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What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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