I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
