I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
