508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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