Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
