I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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