did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We're not piercing ourselves today.
i think my cat just said my name.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
