You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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