areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
