I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
