I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
