so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Be still, my beating vagina.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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